Intolerance and Prejudice

LL's ToS and Community Standards are pretty clear in their condemnation of intolerance and prejudice against any group, and rightly have been known to be pretty strict on this issue, if somewhat lax in other areas.

It's a rule of civilised behaviour to not cause offence to any national, cultural, linguistic, sexual, racial or gender group through negative or hostile comments based on ignorance or blind prejudice. Even in so called 'fun' this kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Yet, there are places in SL where this kind of behaviour is not only tolerated, but through leaving it unchallenged, it is actively encouraged. Imagine my surprise, and sheer disbelief when I went this morning to Eden, the club for 'lesbian and bisexual women' to be met by offensive comments of a stereotypical and derogatory nature. I make no apology for naming, (and hopefully shaming) the club in question. My only 'sin' was to greet someone in a language other than English, which was followed by a lot of comments, and a pathetic attempt at parody by one individual. I of course challenged the behaviour, and was initially supported by one individual, who then went quiet, whilst the abuse continued. Even the threat of my filing an Abuse Report to Linden Labs did not completely silence some particularly ignorant individuals, who continued making comments that they no doubt thought hilariously funny, but which I felt to be deeply offensive.

I am not someone who actually lets prejudicial comments and behaviour get to me, I'm far too thick skinned for that, but I do not ever let that kind of behaviour go unchallenged. What is particularly galling was the fact that these comments were coming from the mouths of those who are members of a sexual minority widely discriminated against itself – surely logic should have informed those individuals that the behaviour they were indulging in was totally unacceptable. The general gist of many of them is that we just have to 'grin and bear' these kinds of things, but why should anyone have to accept the unacceptable? Sadly it seems, even individuals who are members of a widely discriminated against group are capable themselves of being discriminatory. Perhaps the application of logic, and the taking of that to it's conclusion is demanded here. Or even just the engagement of brain before opening mouth.

I don't care if my stance makes me 'unpopular', I do not seek to be popular, as my concern is with doing my bit to build a more civilised society where such 'off the cuff' comments, said in supposed 'jest' are not only challenged, but are sanctioned against if repeated after a warning. Just before I left the club in total disgust, one of the managers did rather meekly ask for and end to the 'discussion', stating the it was supposed to be a 'fun' place. Some 'fun' place that tolerates prejudice isn't my idea of a fun place.

I could have responded with like comments as a repartee, but that would have lowered me to their subterranean level, and besides, that is exactly what I wish to avoid.  It's socially corrosive; the thin edge of the wedge.

Some of you may ask why I have adopted a 'zero tolerance' of any kind of prejudicial behaviour. The reason is this, and students of history will recognise that I am not exaggerating. The Nazi onslaught against any group they viewed as undesirable started apparently quite mildly... the creation of negative stereotypes that in themselves might appear to be quite innocuous, mildly derogatory, and something that could be 'laughed off'. However, as we now know, this was a ploy to 'soften up' the populace to accept the even greater atrocities that were to follow. I don't for a moment mean to suggest that any of this morning's sad individuals had any similar game plan, but none the less, it is the thin end of the wedge... As the Manic Street Preachers sang, 'If you tolerate this, then your children will be next'.

We are living at a time of increased social tensions, the far political right are gaining ascendency all over Europe and quite possibly elsewhere. These groups are trying to maintain a veneer of respectability, whilst at the same time stirring up mild tensions through the use of derogatory propaganda designed to inculcate the idea that it's acceptable to demonise individuals and groups in society amongst the majority: but who are the 'majority'? Lots of minority groups. We must take to heart the warning of Pastor Niemyer, and always speak up for the interests of others who are in a societally weak position being discriminated against.

About the club concerned here? Well, no doubt they have their rules, and they are entitled to run their club in any way they see fit. But if it were my club, (and it would be very clear in the rules presented on entry to every individual) anyone continuing the kind of abuse I was subjected to would have been unceremoniously ejected and subsequently banned with a warning that if heard indulging in further such behaviour elsewhere, an Abuse Report would be submitted.

But this did not happen, no one was ejected and so warned, so I did the only honourable thing left and ejected myself. I shall not be returning.

 

Intellect as a Turn On

Hands up those of you who find intellect a turn on? SL abounds with potential opportunities for casual sex, and no matter how perverse is the image of grown adults seeking out sexual encounters where their avatars can bump pixels, aided by sometimes laughably dodgy animations, replete with contorting faces may be, it does have an immense appeal. Though for me, the existence of 'automatic' emoters, that describe, and express what the avatar, and presumably the human behind it is experiencing baffles me. Where exactly is the connection between the two individuals? Presumably it's 'sit back and watch' time, though I suppose those with a penchant for animated porn are well catered for... 'Triangular Ted and the Botoxed Bimbo Boobed Bella Get It On'... yeah, wow.

I've nothing against any of the above, far from it, but for me, it's the personal connection that is the attraction, the ability to create in the mind of a partner the scenario, the sensations, (hopefully) and the feelings of being close, which in my view can be far better achieved through words alone; the visual is actually a distraction, though it can be a a cause of some mirth. The facial expressions of the animations are a godsend for the makers of Pixel Porn, both the still and the machinima variety.

Let's talk stereotypes for a moment. It's usually males that are 'turned on' by the purely visual, men supposedly being more receptive to visual stimulation than the emotional, which is usually the case with women. Women, by and large seek out more than just a simple fuck. Even if it's the 'one night stand' scenario, a woman usually wants some intellectual engagement, to be mentally and emotionally aroused, so foreplay is usually fairly extended, even by the standards of the compressed temporal environment of SL. 'Hi... wanna fuck' isn't completely unheard of coming from the mouths of female avis, usually suspected of being males in RL, though I'm sure that there are some genuine female adherents to this approach, (and one wonders how successful they are SL or RL?) though judging from the number of complaints about this opening gambit, it's not regarded as a huge turn on by the majority, and even most mature men will have tumbled to the realisation that it's perhaps not the best strategy if you want to get laid.

I did a little research, backed up by my own experiences in SL and RL, so this isn't really scientific. Women prefer emotional closeness, which then leads to physical intimacy, though often just the physical and emotional and intellectual closeness is just as valued as sex itself, sex is a bonus, not the end game. Kissing, and cuddling, and just chatting are often the highest on the list when I talk to my friends, with sex coming pretty low down on the list of priorities, it's a valued option, if it feels right.

I like sex, but strangely, perhaps, it's not often something I seek out. If I'm in a bad emotional state, as recently I was, the purely physical can deal wonderfully with the sense of pent up frustrations, it provides that tremendous sense of relief. But that is the exception. I'm more often seeking out friends, and sex is far from my thoughts. However, once I start to get to know someone, I soon realise if I wish to take it further, and let it be known that I'd like to take it further, but the relationship is primarily a friendship based on intellect and emotional closeness, with sex being that something special that happens when the mood is right. But the main attraction to me both in my being attracted to someone in the first place, and in the sustaining of relationships is the intellectual. A former partner described it well as 'making love to her mind', which to me is the best way ever of making love... even if it progresses to the physical, it's the intellectual that's the turn on.

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!

This is my first blog about my experiences in Second Life.  I've not been here long, but suffice to say that my stay thus far has been interesting, frustrating, more than a little fun... and also emotionally painful.  I've learnt a lot, and met many interesting and fun people here.  I've met a few brain dead individuals too, (why do so many of the seem to be male youths with a penis obsession?) but on the whole it's been am illuminating experience.

Though I  have only been here a short time, I have seriously had to consider leaving SL... Life in SL without the Emerald Viewer would just have been unbearable.  I quite like the Imprudence viewer, but even that doesn't really offer the flexibility and ease of use that Emerald did...  Hooray for Phoenix!   It certainly saved the day, as the prospect of life with Viewer 2 was a fate worse than (SL) death.  True, there are other viewers, all with their strong points, but overall, it was Emerald, (and now Phoenix) that made SL a joy for me.  I'm far from certain that all the rumour that flies around SL is with basis, as there is more than a smidgin of FUD inworld, and the drama that seems to surround that makes the usual kinds of drama that people in SL seem so opposed to look trivial.

Drama... abounds in SL, as I'm sure I have no need to tell you.  However, given the deep intensities of the relationships, and real bonds that are formed there, it's perhaps no surprise that sometimes hurt feelings come to the fore.  I have already been quite badly hurt, and have quite badly hurt someone myself in SL.  As is often the case, it started with a silly misunderstanding over an important matter, and much overreaction as a consequence.  Accusations flew, and counter flew, and it became quite bitter and nasty.  I hold my hand up to my part in it, and I believe the other person does too.  I have no regrets for my actions, even though they were badly thought through, it seemed the right reaction at the time. But I am truly penitent for the hurt I caused.  I certainly have no regrets whatsoever about the relationship itself, it was a truly rewarding time for me, and I shall carry that for the rest of my days, both in SL and RL.  As a result of the loss of this very special relationship my SL life is poorer, and though both myself and the other person are moving on in our lives, I do genuinely miss her company, and have been surprised at the depth of feelings I have for her still.  However, that is now in the past, and life goes on.  In RL it's common to make changes in your life after a relationship breakdown, so I got a new hairstyle, and being SL, a new look too... and so has my former lover, who has made radical changes from being a tanned beauty to being a rather pale, even consumptive looking beauty with pale eyes somewhat in the style of a Pre Raphaelite painting.  Ironically almost, we now both have long red hair. I wish her well in her Second Life, and hope she reciprocates.

I look forward to the next phase of my Second Life, to the friends I undoubtedly will make, and to learning to be creative in some way or another, as I'd like to be able to have a Second Life completely unfunded by Real Life money!